Good'ol jokes...
I'm so "jokingly challenged" that I decided to finally have a box to keep my best jokes and, maybe (maybe!) remember some of them when the occasion comes.
So here they are... If you dislike them... keep it for yourself!
This one is form Woody Allen in his days as a stand-up comedian...
This one is very subtle and needs to be well told but from him it's just great!
Here's a good example of oral contraception.
yes... I was involved...
The other night I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said 'No.'
Rabi joke...
(This is from Prof. ... at the Ringberg conference :)) )
A man says to the Rabi: "Rabi, I think my wife is trying to poison me."
The Rabbi says: "Let me talk to your wife."
Three hours later, the Rabi returns and tells the man: "I talked to your wife...Take the poison."
Another Jewish joke... a bit subtle, and I loved it.
Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"
The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"
Greeks vs. Italians...
A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a Starbucks one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "We have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "Well, we have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That's true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
Bathroom joke....
(This is from my friend Fred)
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
And another jewish one...
Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife.
The postmaster says, "This package is too heavy, you'll need another stamp."
Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?"
more to come......
So here they are... If you dislike them... keep it for yourself!
This one is form Woody Allen in his days as a stand-up comedian...
This one is very subtle and needs to be well told but from him it's just great!
Here's a good example of oral contraception.
yes... I was involved...
The other night I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said 'No.'
Rabi joke...
(This is from Prof. ... at the Ringberg conference :)) )
A man says to the Rabi: "Rabi, I think my wife is trying to poison me."
The Rabbi says: "Let me talk to your wife."
Three hours later, the Rabi returns and tells the man: "I talked to your wife...Take the poison."
Another Jewish joke... a bit subtle, and I loved it.
Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?"
The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"
Greeks vs. Italians...
A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a Starbucks one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "We have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "Well, we have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That's true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
Bathroom joke....
(This is from my friend Fred)
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
And another jewish one...
Moishe walks into a post office to send a package to his wife.
The postmaster says, "This package is too heavy, you'll need another stamp."
Moishe replies, "And that should make it lighter?"
more to come......
